Podcast: Breaking Soul Ties


What Jesus did on the cross offers us freedom and redemption in our sexual sin. What are Soul Ties?

Soul ties and one-flesh unions add to the confusion and shame we feel when we partake, most of the time without us even knowing what is happening.

Join Josh and Kit as they unravel the good and bad of one-flesh unions.

A Guide for Listening and Inner-Healing Prayer by Rusty Rustenback
Path Through The Wilderness by Bob Ragan

Click for Full Podcast Transcription

Kit 0:07
So an interesting thing that I’m aware of in my life was this idea of soul ties. And a few years ago, I became aware that I had been having dreams about someone that I dated in my 20s. And I’ve been married 32 years. And so at the time, I’d been married, like, I guess, 28 years or so. But so I, you know, madly in love with my husband and good marriage, you know, normal bumps and bruises and along the way, but so I realized in reading about it, that I was dreaming about this guy because of a soul tie. And I ran across this prayer, and I prayed it very sincerely to be released from it. And I didn’t have any more dreams about him.

Josh 1:18
So you’re, you’re married for for well into 20 something almost 30 years? Yes. And you started in dreams about somebody that you had you had dated for like,

Kit 1:29
my 20s it was it really toxic? dysfunctional, every kind of way bad relationships had been sexual as well.

Josh 1:37
Yes. And and hadn’t you weren’t thinking about this guy. So like he showed up and like, and all these sudden these dreams? And you and you got kind of revealed through what you’re reading? This was connected to an unbroken soul tie that was still there? Yes. So getting Josh here. And we’re we want to talk about soul ties. So soul ties, otherwise, sometimes known as, as one flesh unions, go back to this is, it’s a it’s a fallen version of what God initially intended. So in the beginning, Genesis, two Gods made Adam, he’s made Eve, Adam wakes from asleep, and he sees Eve, and the Scriptures say, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, the two shall become one flesh. This is God’s design that that marital sexual union between husband and wife makes the two into one. And what we don’t realize, I think, and what gets glossed over in our culture a lot these days is that there are all these other sexual experimentation and viewing pornography and emotional dependencies and sex outside of marriage. And just because the two don’t want to become tied in their souls, they don’t want to become one flesh, doesn’t in any way negate the original reality of God’s design. And so we read in First Corinthians six, Paul writes about he says, you know, don’t be united with a woman in prostitution, because Haven’t you read that the two become one flesh, when you become united with her sexually you become one flesh with her. And and this is happening for people all over the place without realizing what they’re doing to their souls without realizing what’s happening when I have this casual hookup or this relationship with someone I’m married to.

Kit 3:25
And I even realized that way before this situation with that I realized, and I remember talking about it, and you know, talking to God about it, and myself and my husband, friends, you know, that, that that relationship did a tremendous amount of psychological and spiritual damage to me those five years that I was in that relationship, and I talked to young women about it, if they’re in that kind of relationship I can be very passionate about Don’t be passive about this, this is this is impacting you. And so I knew that and I, you know, had gotten help about that through the years, you know, to kind of recover and heal. But nonetheless, there was still this other thing that was in, in play.

Josh 4:13
I think what I’m thinking part of it, it points to like we we tend to think in our in our Western mindedness, that if I just kind of separate myself, thought wise, I work through the past, that somehow that will alleviate this whole, like, you know, the way that I’m entangled with this person are all the damage done, when there are deeper spiritual realities. And so, you know, if God has set designed things a certain way, they will work that way, even when they’re outside of God’s God’s boundaries. I think about I remember an old mentor of mine teaching once he said he was telling a group about this and he and he said, One guy came up to me afterwards and he said, I have slept with literally hundreds of people and he was just kind of His face was white, he was just like, this is a horrifying idea. I mean, he was facing the reality like, I’ve given a part of me, there’s a part of me out there with these hundreds of different people. And there, there’s a part of hundreds of people connected to me, I don’t want to be connected to them anymore. a pastor friend of mine chairs, about a guy in his congregation, who had begun sleeping with his girlfriend, and who, who struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. And he came to his pastor saying, you know, hey, I don’t know why, but I’m, all of a sudden, I’m struggling with suicidal thoughts I never have in my life. I know my girlfriend does, but I never have. And my friend intuitively discerned that there’s something deeper going on. And he said, Have you guys been having sex and the guy was like, Yes. He said, what is happening to you is related to this one flesh Union, the soul tie, we need to break that you guys need to cut it out. Because there’s something that’s been happening to her that’s now happening to you. He described this way. And I think this is interesting, too. He said, that if like our original domain, our kind of our kingdom, if you will, for everybody, every adult begins with your body, God is giving you domain over your own body. And when you connect physically, sexually with another person, it’s as though you’re it’s almost like you’re creating this treaty with this other kingdom. And you’re saying, you know, all that’s happening in your kingdom Kingdom can pass to my kingdom, and vice versa, this back and forth. And that’s it, that’s just a way to describe the spiritual realities that are happening. Yeah.

Kit 6:37
You know, and I think this ideas is really is profound, this idea that, and we don’t think about this, and it’s important to think about it, that that, in fact, we are giving something away and taking something that, that and without realizing it, yeah, we haven’t made that decision to do that. We haven’t said, this is the kind of this is my person, this is my, you know, we’re just casually in this sexual relationship, and we’re giving and taking things that we don’t even know it’s happening. And I think that’s, to me, that’s really helpful in terms of being just more discerning about this. And also, the fact that there are more than one, like, that was true for me, that’s been true of a lot of clients. And so, you know, to talk to God about that, and to, to, you know, you may want to actually pray through each one, or you may want to God may lead you to be able to pray about it in a way that covers them all without necessarily having to do that. But I do think it’s important to be aware of where that’s happened and to be, you know, in to enter into prayer about it.

Josh 7:48
Yeah, yeah. I think a couple other things connected and I and we share these things not because we want to shame anybody, you’re pointing finger, this is not about condemnation, like you know, you messed up now, you’re now your mouth, you know, you got to live with it for life, ya know, rushing the lead, lead you through at the end of this podcast, a prayer of breaking soul ties or breaking one flesh unions. Because what Jesus did in the cross does have power to free us from the mistakes we made the bad choices, we’ve made, the one flesh unions that are outside of God’s will for us. But we do want to share some of some of what this means because just as a means to help you, if you’re listening to recognize, oh, this might be part of why I’m struggling with what I’m struggling today. Another example of that, our colleague, Bob Reagan, and other Virginia has has said that he’s experienced this as guys have had guys who struggled with fantasizing in a certain way, once they have sex, he said, it actually becomes harder for them to, to disconnect their sexual identity from whatever the behaviors they’ve done. And again, that’s another example of pointing to that one flesh union. And one of the ways he specifically talked about it was for for men who would have sex with men. He said, you know, before they did that, they might have questioned their sexuality. But once they did, it was really, really hard for them, then to break free from this sense of like, I guess this is just who I am, I just must be gay. And we’re not saying it’s, you know, how it happens for every single person. But But for those who struggle that way when flushing and you can make a difference in that. I think there’s another example. I know a guy who had been married for other reasons, his marriage dissolved, and that’s a whole nother story, not my story to tell. But he had experienced a lot of sexual temptation. And I remember meeting with him and just a winsome guy loved the Lord. But then he gave into the sexual temptation and man, I could I could see the difference in his resolve. I mean, it just started to tank and tank very, very quickly. And and in last time, I got together with them. I could I could tell his face was darker. I mean, I don’t mean more tan. I mean, there’s just kind of like Got the spark in his eyes seem to have disappeared in a way. And, and I was like, I could just tell that he is, you know, and I don’t know if it was all the sexual union stuff. But I had to wonder like, is some of this because of your sexual activity with these different people?

Unknown Speaker 10:16

Kit 10:16
I think that that is a reality that we we again, don’t know, some of the burden and darkness that we’re under, and I want to just reiterate what you said, This isn’t about shame and condemnation at all, it’s about the freedom and the redemption that, that I’ve, I’ve received an M receiving about these things that have been true in my life. And therefore, you know, you always want to pay those things forward, you know, yeah. But it is important to, to really be aware of the the physical, spiritual, psychological impact of these things, and the fact that God has ways it has ways to redeem.

Josh 11:00
Yeah. You know, one thing we haven’t even talked about is the the good of the one flesh union. Yes. Which is, you know, so we’re kind of like, Oh, you know, God set up this way, he didn’t set this, set it up this way, you know, to get all, you know, people who, you know, if you do this wrong, you’re going to be really missing his original design that that we described in Genesis two is really good and beautiful. And actually, in their, their psychological, their neurological, their relational ways that this actually works towards the preservation and the nourishment of marriage. It’s remarkable. Really, yeah. And I mean, I think I think, you know, a husband and wife who reserved their sexual intimacy for one another, can find over the years, they’re closer to each other. And, and, and they know each other, and they’re, and the idea of straying from their marriage becomes something that’s, that is loathsome. I don’t I don’t want somebody else you’re my one. You know, we it’s us.

Kit 11:54
It’s a profound reality. That does become more true if if we’re willing to

Josh 12:02
let it becomes more true all the time, the longer your marriage goes on, the stronger and more Yeah, really profound and remarkable it is. And so that we’re underlying there’s God’s heart in this is not to get us it’s not to trouble us, it’s actually it is hardest is for us to progressively make the good he’s given become something that’s more entwined to the fabric of who we are and what our relationships about. Yeah. And what what else, what else about one flesh unions, I mean, I do want to get to the, to our prayer to break one flesh unions, for those who are listening, but

Kit 12:40
Well, I think, you know, just to explain a little bit more about them, you know, they’re there, they are often sexual, but they can also be emotional, you know, they can be this. A powerful emotional enmeshment can also be a soul tie. And it can happen between, you know, a man and a woman, it can happen between two women to men, you know, it can happen with parents and children. And so what I think is beautiful about that, well, what’s what’s difficult about that, but what’s beautiful is that God’s intention, you know, God’s intention is for these really healthy soul ties to take place. That he wants these healthy kinds of relationships between men and women, parent and child, but they can if there’s a powerful if there’s sex, outside of marriage, or if there’s a emotional enmeshment, that takes place, then that can have repercussions. And those are good things to pray to be free of.

Josh 13:42
Yeah, just to just to clarify something you said. It’s not that the relationship between a good relationship between parents and child or friends are soul ties, the soul has we’re talking about are the one flesh unions, but that we can have these healthy connections other people, right,

Kit 13:57
well, and I think some people will leave I would even say, a healthy soul tie that there are healthy soul ties and that they’re unhealthy soul ties, so

Josh 14:04
I’ve never heard of it that way.

Kit 14:05
Yeah. All right. But so in either case, it’s just when they’re within you know, when they’re within marriage, or there, there’s not this control and dependency in an adult parent child relationship, for example, you know, that that God gives us these ways of, of discerning you know, what’s healthy and good for us?

Josh 14:28
Yeah. So a couple signs that come to mind for me that this is an unhealthy soul tie or, I mean, so I think the the one flesh union the sexual union outside of marriage is like, okay, that’s, that’s pretty clear. If you’ve had a sexual union outside of marriage, and I’d include in their sexual play, I’d also include in their quote, unquote play, I also include in their pornography use because you you are opening yourself in a sexual way to another person, even if that other person out of the room, I think it’s still can be a helpful thing to pray through breaking one flesh union those situations, but when we’re talking about just a platonic relationship, A relationship that’s between family members or friends. Some examples of where this is a sign this has become unhealthy, or this has become an enmeshment. Give us some examples of maybe just a few signs a couple few signs that

Kit 15:11
well, you know, yeah, we have talked about this before that, you know, God’s love is characterized by freedom, not control, right. So when, in a friendship, you know, you’re like, Well, you know, I don’t want you to have other friends, you know, I want I want us to spend more time together, and there’s jealousy, you know, when people are spending time with other people, or, you know, that kind of thing, or in a parent child relationship, as the child gets older, you know, it’s really hard to let your children go. But just like God, you know, lets us go gives us free, well, he doesn’t control us, He invites us, that’s the way we want to model it with our adult children as well, that it’s not about controlling their life, you know, demanding and getting jealous and that kind of thing. It’s, it’s inviting, and it’s loving and honoring them as people living their own life.

Josh 16:06
Yeah, I mean, one of the things, one of the images I’ve heard when it comes to parent child is, is a cutting the umbilical cord, you know, like, with like, the, the design of a parent child relationship is that the child is going to grow up and become his or her own self. And that doesn’t mean that the relationship breaks off. But it does mean that the relationship changes, I am no longer the dependent, obedient child that I was when I was a boy. I’m now an adult man relating with other adults. And yes, my mom will always be my mom, and my dad will always be my dad. And I will honor them in those roles and heed what they say with with respect for that, but but we are different people now as opposed to when I was little, they were making decisions about who I was and where I would go and it was okay for me and what wasn’t? You know, we should do? I think we’ve talked about it. We’ve never done a podcast specifically on emotional dependency or codependency we should, yes, because that is such a major issue for so many men and women. Yeah. So we’ll come back to that at some point. Well, let’s get into it. Let’s, let’s pray for people who are listening. So I hope I hope we’ve given you just kind of a general primer on on what a one flesh union or a soul tie is, we just want to shift gears here and invite you if you think that you have an unhealthy soul tie an unholy soul tie, or if you know, you have a one flesh union. And specifically, we’re talking about you know, someone besides your husband or your wife, that needs to be broken, we just want to invite you to pray along with us. And we’re going to use a model from a guy to listening to healing prayer by rusty Rustin. Bach, he has a prayer, well, we’re gonna I’m going to stray from it a bit, we’re going to kind of use it as model. There’s also an example of a one flesh union, breaking one flesh unions in Bob Reagan’s path of the wilderness, which is a curriculum that we offer here, and that we run here at regeneration in Baltimore, another Virginia. And there’s some other examples online. So But anyway, those are just a couple of put in the show notes for you. And again, if you want to walk through this with someone here, you know, take path through the wilderness with us, or come in for some spiritual coaching, be happy to walk you through this. But even if you’re not sure, it’s a one flesh union, it’s something that you can, you can walk through us through this with or an unhealthy soul tie, walk through it, and just see what what may happen. But I’m going to lead lead out in a prayer. And we just invite you to follow along, and there’ll be a spot where I’ll leave a, you know, kind of a blank. And that’s for you to fill in the name or names of the person or people that you think belong there. And, and Kitt mentioned earlier that you may not need to do this, you know, one by one, a lot of people do find it really helpful, too. And, you know, some who listening may go I you know, I don’t even know all their names, or I don’t, you know, I never knew that person’s name. God knows, God knows. And so you know, you can offer that person up, up to the Lord. So let me let me lead us through this prayer. So first of all, Holy Spirit, I want to just welcome you here, even as we record this, and people are listening. In their own time, we invite you into this moment right now. Lord, what the work that we’re going to do is not work that we do on our own. Just as just as we we didn’t invent what a soul tie is or what a one flesh union is. You did, Lord so we cannot untwist ourselves from it. We can’t mentally break ourselves free. This is a spiritual work and so we invite you Holy Spirit, through the power of Christ, do this work in us. Lord Jesus, who want to come to you, with an ear, you want to just name the person or people that you’re you’re thinking about, you need to break free from break free, that no break the one flesh union whether the soul tie with I confess this soul ties sin, because it has caused me to fall short of your glory. It has kept me from fully loving and serving you, Lord, in many cases, it has taken your place. This person has become an idol that I’ve gone to. And I asked you to forgive me. Thank you Christ for dying on the cross for my sin. I receive your forgiveness now. Thank you for washing me as clean as the fresh fallen snow. Now in your powerful name Jesus, I want to fully sever this soul tie. In your name, I give back anything that I’ve taken from this person in here again, you can name them. And in your name, I also take back anything from this person that I have given to them through this one flesh union, or this soul tie. Or we pray in Jesus name now that all would be restored, but belongs to them would go back to them. What belongs to me would come back to me.

In your name, I command any demonic spirits that may have gained access to me through this soul tie to leave, and to go where you would send them and to never return. Holy Spirit, I ask that you come and fill any vacated places in my heart. In your name, Jesus, I prohibit any demonic spirits from retaliating against those of us praying together, our spouses, our children, this or any other ministry, or any other believer, we command them now to go exclusively where you would send them and to never return to us. Jesus, I’m also completely unable to get some of these old pictures or images out of my mind. In desperation, I lay them at your feet and ask you to take them. I also reject, renounce and command any sexual demonic spirits associated with these images to leave, and to go where you would send them never ever to return. In the powerful name of Jesus Christ, we asked that the neural pathways where the images reside would be destroyed. And the new pure and holy pathways would replace them. Now finally, Lord, now that we have renounced this soul tie, we ask is there a word, a picture, a verse, or any other message that you want to send to those we’re praying for right now?

Jesus, now we establish your cross between us. And again, name this person. We establish your cross now between us and then. And then we pray that you would bear into your body. All the sin that transpired between us. And now we pray through the power of your cross, Lord, that You would release to us, your goodness, your righteousness, your purity. Lord, You are right boundaries between us or restore the walls that were torn down between us. Restore the boundaries, flora that were that were laid low. I pray for some Lord, that You would reveal those parts of themselves that are now that have now come back to them. And they’re coming back. Now to pray for others, that any part of them that they have thought was them that has now been returned. That is it’s no longer part of them. Would you reveal those things to them and loaders any other word or verse or picture you want to give? Which leaves some silence for you to speak Lord.

pray these things through the power of your cross and your resurrection. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Brothers and sisters you listening just aware you may need to pray through something like this more than once. Again, if if you have a spiritual mentor in your life, or you want to reach out to regeneration, be happy to walk you through more of this. Thanks so much for listening.

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Original music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.

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