Single: More than Un-Married
Within the church, it may feel like being married is the goal. While being single is reduced to being un-married. Checking one box and not another can lead to resentment. Within the church, there can and should be a way to bring all of our gifts together.
“For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ.” (1 Corinthians 12:12)
This episode is a deep dive between two people who have a lot in common as “members of the body”- both men, both in their 40’s, both love Jesus.
Laurence Koo, our guest, is single. And Josh Glaser, our host, is married.
We hope this conversation challenges you to challenge the misconceptions and encourages you to learn from each other’s unique roles. There is intimacy and fulfillment to be found in the community around us, regardless of which box you check.
Let’s tear down the idols of marital status and start inviting people in.
We each have our own gift, even if we don’t want it. It’s a matter of state, not desire. I think that’s the first mistake that we made in church.
We both have a prophetic calling in this culture in who we are as human beings. In both gifts, there is so much Christ portrayal.
Living in a fallen world means we will live with some level of unfulfillment
Ask yourself: How can I be more of a gift to my married friends? Single Friends?
Take stock of Your Relational Health: Examine your Routines and Relationships to see how you are giving and receiving in your relationship.
“7 Myths about Singleness” Sam Allberry
“But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.” – 1 Corinthians 7:7 NLT
1 Corinthians 12 – Unity of the Members of Christ in One Body
Five Levels of Intimacy:
Spiritual intimacy – sharing deep, safe conversations
Emotional – being vulnerable with my hurt and pain
Social – enjoying the same activities, hobbies
Physical – experiencing non-sexual touch
Sexual – sexual closeness within marriage
Click for Full Podcast Transcription
Hi, everybody. We are happy to have back with us on the podcast today. Lawrence Kuh. He works in the missions department of the US navigators. He’s responsible for training and development for new missionaries in their 20s before and on the field. And he lives in Colorado Springs. He’s also an international speaker and consultant in the topic of sexuality, LGBTQ issues. Today, Lawrence talks with us about the topic of singleness, community, and so much more. Enjoy. Welcome back, first of all, and you’re you’re in Colorado Springs, right? navigators headquarters there. Yeah, that’s correct. Yeah. So I grew up in Colorado Springs. Think of it finally. What’s the weather like there today?
Laurence Koo 1:00
It’s getting better. We still got snow last week, man. Yeah, yeah. We’re doing well today.
And how like, so I have to ask this because I love the Garden of the Gods. How far are you away from garlic as I know, Glen Erie, navs headquarters right down the street. Are you? Are you near there? Do you live near there?
Laurence Koo 1:20
Yeah, I live for like a five minute drive. But I take my bike right now. And then just yeah, go through the Garden of the Gods with my and my bike.
So that’s great. So good. Yeah, if you’re listening, and you don’t know what the garden the gods are, you just just Google it. It’s beautiful. Place and gorgeous. Yeah. So. So we’re going to talk about singleness. So I’m going to I just want to dive in. I mean, first of all, I gotta say, like this, this topic came to head for me as a married guy. Because I’m shepherding men, women who are single and submissive, especially some men and women who are single and who don’t necessarily want to be it’s a topic that came up a lot. I started hearing things about the way that church was run and, and how it felt to be single as a as a 20 year old versus a 30 versus a 40 versus a 60 year old, etc. Right? It really sort of opened my eyes to like, oh, man, like, I think we’re getting this wrong. And I know you and I’ve talked about this before, and I just feel a lot of the shared heart about this. So. So you’re you are single and Lawrence, I just have to ask, okay, how old are you?
Laurence Koo 2:29
I’m 42. Right now.
And, and a single guy, so So what? When you think about living life as a single winner? And I know you talk to a lot of singles? What are some of the issues that come up for singles in the church today or just in culture today that that are our most challenging?
Laurence Koo 2:47
Yeah, I think it’s a difference between sometimes I think the worldly view on singleness is a one seemed like what is great, I can do whatever I want, I can have a lot of sex even or I have a lot of different explore, and I just have the freedom. And there’s this, I think, even like a selfish lifestyle is pretty much that you can do you can do whatever you want, which is not always particular, you know, like, maybe it’s not always selfish. It’s actually also the gift of singleness sometimes that you do have your own time and space. But I do think that, you know, the question is, what do you how do you want to do that? And what’s your attitude towards that? I think for the church, it becomes very, there’s a different culture there. So I think that’s where singles struggle a lot, I think, because there’s two cultures where both of there’s different value systems that is pulling on each side. And I don’t know if it’s really, I would say, our biblical view on on singleness, even within the church. Because in a church, I think the challenging part is like that. singleness means that you’re unmarried or not married yet. Or for people who lost their partner, I think, yeah, it can be still a place of being unmarried.
I would say in other words, it’s not I mean, it’s not a it’s a the idea of in the church of being single is kind of a that you are lacking something you’re in on something as opposed to singleness as as something that has a has meaning and purpose and goodness in it in and of itself.
Laurence Koo 4:25
Yeah. And Sam Albury wrote in his book, about seeing only said yeah, we don’t see married people as being on single slide. Yeah, there is something about that. And so and that singleness is a burden. And it’s almost like that singleness is like is this a waiting zone for you to get married or for you to be married? With that, and I think another challenges is that singles are usually very separated from their married friends. Or to friends with families in the church, especially. And I think that’s also very challenging for them. And so I think there’s a very Yeah, I would say even coming from Europe to an American church culture, I think there is a very distorted view on what singleness is, especially here.
So talk to us a little bit more about that. So like, I mean, just First of all, like you said, singles are very separated from their married friends. And just the way you phrase that sounds like there’s some there’s a, it’s part of the system somehow, it’s just like, so where does that happen? How did that happen? Why does that happen?
Laurence Koo 5:42
Um, well, I think, just addressing these false truths, I think in our Christian culture, I think first of all, I think that, how Paul talks about singleness, he calls it the gift. And in one Corinthians seven, seven, he says, there’s two gifts, the gift of marriage and the gift of singleness. And so he sees it as exclusively interchangeable. You’ve either the one gift or the other. There’s not a third option. So that means I cannot say as a single person that I don’t have the gift of singleness. And my married friend cannot say that he doesn’t have the gift of marriage, we each have our own gift, even if we don’t want it. It’s a matter of state not desire. I think that’s the first mistake that we’ve made in church that we say, Well, I’m single, but I don’t want to be single. So I don’t have the gift of singleness. I’m like, sorry, man, you have to face it out. You do have that gift. So what does that mean to you? Likewise, if you’re married sometimes, Josh, and you can probably relate to that. Sometimes you would say I don’t want to have this gift, but you still have it, you know, and that’s I just want some space Lawrence.
My wife, probably more than I do, actually.
Laurence Koo 6:56
But that, to me is the first thing is like it’s a matter of state not of desire. And then it’s a gift. So what does it mean that it is a gift, a gift from God is never for ourselves, it’s meant always to be given to others. And so I think that many of us expect romantic love and marriage to be this gift of completion and fulfillment for them. But if marriage is the incarnational image of Christ, love to as a gift to his church. It doesn’t just express self sacrificial love between the spouses, the gift of marriage is also meant to give itself away to their community to the people around them. And that’s the same call as a single celibate men that I am. And that I am called to do the same thing to give myself fully to not only one particular person, but now to a multitude of people. And so I think that is the two biggest misconceptions I think of what it means to have what the gift of singleness and the gift of marriage is. And that changed so much of the paradigm already then in how even then a married person with a single person being can be then a gift to one another in their state of being. And I think that was that’s something that we can definitely it’s much more worth explore in our Christian community because that’s something that we have not done very well.
So and I’m with you 100% I so when you describe marriage and singleness as a gift that God has given us to give away to as a as a gift for others. One of the first things comes to mind for me as a married man is you know, my wife and I have have six children in our home and part of part of what our marriage is biologically has become is that you know, we are our lives are our gifts to our children. And then as they grow we’re we want our lives as a family to be a gift out beyond that. But I think that’s it that’s a different paradigm even I mean even for me as a married guy in that situation. I joke before that I want just want some space I have joked I should say like, because I I have been indoctrinated I think over the years, whether anybody meant to or not with that idea that what marriage is about is fulfillment, right? You grow up you’re you’re single and that’s all well and good while it lasts, but then you find a spouse. And then you have the white picket fence and the two car garage and you come home at night and put your feet up and all as well with the world which is not reality I think a lot of people who get married eventually find it like that’s not what my life feels like and 1015 years into marriage they’re kind of disillusion like God What did I sign up for exactly? But anyway that’s all marriage but but you’re really you’re also you’re lining right up next to that the the gift of singleness and saying like, and singleness also is a gift to be given. For the glory of God for the good of others, what might like what might that look like? So maybe maybe the broader question is, how would you see Lawrence that married and singles can come together toward like to spur each other on towards that a shared goal? Like what? What does that look like to reframe this, the our state in life are single is a gift, right?
Laurence Koo 10:28
So when I really learned this, I think so when I was in my 20s, when I was single, and my friends in college were also single dads a great time to be single friendships all over the place, of course. But then I remember in one year, 13 of my friends got married in the same year. And so I was in all a lot of their, their weddings, and you know, this kind of like, Am I not complete and successful, even though my, my story and narrative of walking with same sex attractions, I was really wrestling with that, like God is this, this is what it means to follow you that this is kind of like my outcome, then I have to be married. And I really heard God’s kind of saying to me, like, no, you’re already successful to me, and how you walk with me and how you surrender to me. And so that was kind of one relief, I think, in that. But I noticed with a lot of my married friends that I think I kind of lost them for a year, almost always on the clock. Because they’re like, Well, you know, like, they want to spend time with their wives. And they did had less time for the friendship. And so I kind of almost kind of after a while of my friends getting married, and like, Okay, well, I’ll just let you go for a year, and then you come back, and then we can pursue our friendship again. And that that worked, and then until the babies came, right, and then, uh, yeah, I think we both did and had tools, how to continue then a relationship or friendship with each other. And so it kind of like these friends who they’re still my friends, and they were still my friends then. But it’s kind of like it died out in that sense in a certain way. Yeah. Um, and so. And I, I’d never really understood that. And I, sometimes I resented my friends in that sense as well. Until I, my sister lives in Australia with her husband and three kids. And there was one time they in their life there, they had three kids, they were three kids under four. And so I visited them for about two, three weeks at a time. And I remember that particular year when there were three kids under four that I was in their house for three or four weeks. And I was like, Oh, so this is what it means to have three kids on the floor. And I just understood parks better, why my friends were so tired that I didn’t have really an outside life beside their family at this particular point, it was really hard to meet up one on one with and all of that, and it just like got so much more understanding and compassion for that. And as a brother to my sister. And as an uncle, of course, I wanted what can I do, and so I didn’t like to change diapers or to kind of like put the kids in Bath. But what I like is cooking and and, and making food and so I during that two, three weeks, I just ruled that kitchen, I did all the groceries I cooked all the things that they liked. And every the whole house was a mess except the kitchen nouns like spa. And that was my gift to them. And so I came home from that experience and say and thought how can I just be more a gift to my married friends with families and so I started to engage that a lot more and and just coming to my family’s my friends houses who had families and learning how to be interrupted also by kids in our conversation previously, I found that so irritating, but now I’m like, No, I’m with you in this, I’m gonna learn how to do this. And at the same time, you know, like we’re at the dinner table. I’m taking this baby from my friend in my arms and just kind of feed it the bottle while mom finally can eat her dinner in warm and peace. But at the same time I’m holding this child’s and I have my father moment I would say and interacting with my friend’s wife also deeply and becoming friends with her. And just being part of that family time that’s a gift to me and allowed for them to allow me in that family setting and then after the kids go to bed I I just spend time with both of them as a couple and we engage our friendship and I become friends with both of them, man and when And, and that has just been such a rich experience. But I don’t think especially also in American culture, honestly, we do that very well, because that’s also where I see that having dinner together and then spend the whole evening together, that’s not a very practice that people are doing here. Just spending time in that sense. And if you do spend time, that’s usually also within the gender.
But I need both interactions with the children of my friends, family and, and also becoming friends with their wives. And just and honestly, some of my friends, especially in the Netherlands, it started with my women friends in college, and then they got married, and I became friends actually, with their husbands and to create those kinds of friendship as a single person coming into that family. And that’s a practice that I really see that we can really develop better.
Part of what you’re describing here, is really the family of God. I mean, they’re, you’re describing a character who the author was, who is not an original thought to me, but the idea that the the Spirit of God, the blood of God, blood of Christ is thicker than the kind of the biological blood in a family. And I do see in America, excuse me that there really is a insular focus on on on the on the nuclear family, nuclear family. And, you know, like, after church holidays, would it like those are, quote unquote, family times, but part of how I’m challenged as you’re talking is, well, who is who is my family? And I think of you know, Jesus’s words, well, who, who is my mother? My brother’s exactly like it’s those who do the will of God. And so am I willing, as you as you were with your friends to, to drink the, the difficult pill of I’m going to sit through a conversation that’s interrupted 12 times because their kids, this is so difficult, they’re not my kids. And I remember that as a single guy. Yeah. And I’m going to hold the baby and I’m going to help help with the, with the meals and things like that, that because I because I can do that I have the bandwidth to do that. You’re willing to drink down those pills to be open some doors as a gift to your married friends? Am I as a married man, willing to open some doors and drink some pills? I’m like, okay, sure, it’d be easier to come home and, you know, kick my shoes off and walk around my stinky feet or whatever. But I’m gonna invite, you know, my single brothers and sisters over, because they are part of my family, too. That’s a real, it’s a challenging word. But there’s a beautiful vision there, Lawrence, I think, is it? I mean, if we, as churches could take hold of that boy, or maybe just say this way? If, if me, and my family could take hold of that, I think that would that would radically change some things and some really positive ways.
Laurence Koo 17:59
And it goes both ways, right? So it’s not only married people who open up their homes and families self sacrificially towards single people. But yeah, single people also needed to learn how to do that. And not be only like, self centered and selfish in the sense of like, I can do whatever I want. But yeah, enter into the space of families. And being together in that and giving themselves away there. And I do think that it can already start in, in dating, I see a lot of times where people start dating, like in college, and, and, and then there’s this whole idea of like, Oh, well, when I start dating, I’m losing my friends, because they are just, you know, they double date with other couples. But sometimes I’m just challenging couples who are starting to date kind of like, can you also date with your single friends, as in the two of you with a single friend and and single person, don’t consider yourself as a third wheel or a fifth wheel, but engage them. Don’t complain about it. Don’t put yourself in this victim kind of precision. And like and so that there is I think, a maturity in the church to kind of like how do you harvest these relationships and friendships, even if the relational dynamic changes. But we don’t talk about it. And I felt that I didn’t have tools for that when you know, my friends got married and then got kids. Looking back right now I’m like, Oh, I wish I’ve done that different thing.
Well, I’ll tell you, man, I’ll I’ll read your book, when you write it like that, as I do think that you’re I mean it, it would be revolutionary, it would be because there’s cost because what you’re describing as singles or for Mary’s, there is cost. There’s just there’s no way around that. But it tears down the idolatry of self that we you mentioned earlier that that many, maybe especially non Christian singles live with which is hey, yeah, I get to do what I want. And that’s exactly what I want it My life revolves around me, and also tears down the idol of marriage and family that says, Yeah, this is all for me, this is my good, you know, my life’s the way I want it, and I’m gonna shut my door and lock it and don’t please don’t, you know, interrupt that. And those idols ought to come down because that that is that’s not picking up our cross and follow Jesus, it’s not being part of the film of God. So anyway, I, I think it’s in some ways, it’s, it makes so much sense and it fits so well with with the gospel. And in some ways, it really is radical, because it is countercultural to I think what so many of us have experienced in our churches and our homes and our in our cultures growing up. Yeah, so let me let me shift gears a little bit. I’m thinking about the singles who are listening, maybe especially those who, for whom this isn’t, this isn’t what they wanted. Or it’s, you know, they hope to be married one day, they’re trying like, even the idea of kind of accepting, okay, this is a gift that I’m living in right now. One of the things I hear from so many singles is, but I get so lonely. And and so it’s hard not to get bitter. It’s hard not to just always want to be married, it’s hard. It’s hard not to feel disappointed. It’s hard not to feel. I’ve heard you talk before about these these five different kinds of intimacy. And, and can try to integrate those in your life in certain ways. Can you I think be helpful for some people just to hear a little bit more about that. So can you share about those?
Laurence Koo 21:25
Yeah. Um, so I, I’ve seen in my own life and other people’s lives, that there’s this five levels of intimacy that I would say, I kind of like, yeah, see. And then the first one is the spiritual intimacy, where you have deep and honest conversation about faith about God about life about that spirituality, I think this is very comparable to a spiritual intimacy level of conversation where I can feel really connected to Jaws, and that sense, an emotional intimacy where I can be vulnerable with all my feelings, with my hurt with my pain, also with my joy, but that their safety in that and there’s connection, and a person just understands, and just, yeah, be with me in that social intimacy, that you like to do the same things that you like to hike, or to go to the same movies or Yeah, like to work out together, or a coke or whatever. And there’s a connection between the two of you. And then physical intimacy that we had, and I receive touch, non sexual physical intimacy, which I think is very important to distinguish between the fifth level of intimacy, which is sexual intimacy. And so that’s kind of what is it within marriage. And I think as a single person, pursuing and cultivating these levels of intimacy with other people, and I think this is a very horizontal level of intimacy, I think, of course, you have the intimacy with God. But this is what it means for me cultivating these kinds of intimacy that it’s not good for me to be alone. And so what I’ve seen that a lot of singles are doing is saying is thinking through all these layers of all kinds of levels of intimacy is within marriage. But I also see that a lot of married people expect that they’re if they’re, if they expect that their spouse can fulfill all those five levels of intimacy, that is also not true. And so I need a community and friends that I can spread out these levels of intimacy is because one of my friends that I can have really deep spiritual conversations with, if he doesn’t like Avengers, I don’t have a social intimacy with him. And that particular part, right. And so I’ve seen that I needed to spread out these levels of intimacy is pursuing and, you know, one of my one big one that I discovered for myself is like, I do need physical touch. And some of my friends have a harder time to initiate that. And other friends are just very much open to that to do so. And I see that in marriage as well, that if you expect your spouse to fulfill that all then yeah, then it comes, it’s you, you can be disappointed in that. And so I do think that loneliness, which is a very, which also comes forth out of I think in marriages, comes from the fact that we expect this level of intimacy is to be fulfilled by only one person. And at the same time, like how do you cultivate that in friendship and community and here again, comes where married and single people need each other, also on this level,
but I couldn’t, I couldn’t agree more. I think like when you’re describing this thing, I think when Okay, a couple things that are helpful about that list, the spiritual intimacy, emotional, social, physical, sexual. A couple things that I find helpful one is it It gives us some categories to begin even as a almost as a checklist, if you’re that kind of person to say, Okay, let me just let me just kind of take stock of my own health right now on relational health. Do I have these things at play? I don’t, not all the time at the same level with with everybody, but, but do I have some routines and relationships in my life where these things are part of both what I’m giving to others and what I’m receiving? And of course, the sexual intimacy, one reserved for marriage, but, and then and then secondly, not just as it gives me categories to kind of look at my own relational health. But it also helps to answer some of those questions when I’m feeling lonely when I’m feeling disconnected. Just to, like, take a take stock, like, do I have these things at play, and I and I can say, as a married guy with kids, marriage and children do not necessarily mean these things are automatic, by interest, imagination, like, none of those things are guaranteed in my home. And sometimes because of the pace of life. As a married guy, we’re, we’re, you know, my wife and I are just like, you know, ships passing the night just trying to get people where they need to be and take care of this and that and we can feel more like teammates, then then then spouses who love each other, we need to kind of pull back and say, how is our how how’s our intimacy in these areas. And I love what you say to like, my wife can’t give all these To me, it always I need all the time. And I can’t give these things to all to her and all the way. So we need friendships, I think there’s some some married folks out there who are probably living lonelier lives than then even some of their single counterparts because they’re, they’re neglecting these in that way. So it’s really helpful kind of list to think through. learns, what would you say like, you know, one of the one of the issues that, and honestly, even I even feel a little bit when I say, you know, well, and of course, the sexual intimacy is reserved for marriage. I think for for many single men and women, there’s a sense of like, well, that just sucks. I mean, like, what, you know, what do I do with that? I mean, and I think even sometimes they get to a point where it feels like a boiling point where like, you know, we’ll Screw it, I’ve been single for so long, I’m gonna just indulge in a little sexual pleasure, myself or somebody else, because that’s an area that I’ve been deprived from. Right? What do you what do you say to that? How do you how do you kind of manage that in your life?
Laurence Koo 27:26
I’ve seen that. I think one of the things that lies that our world is telling us is that you have to have sexual intimacy, in order to be fulfilled. But it’s also coming out of the motivation that this life is about being fulfilled. That’s the whole attitude. I think, where if we look at, where what our sexual sexuality is meant for, is an expression of self sacrificial love, Christ, self sacrificial love to his church. And so I think that’s a paradigm shift for married people and single people that it’s not about getting fulfillment. It’s about getting giving yourself away. And so the pursuit of intimacy is like, Yeah, I know what I need. And pursuing that is also not like, how can you give me this particular intimacy is now how can I give myself fully to you in this, hoping that if you would do that with me, we’ll both get fulfilled in a certain level, knowing also that the true fulfillment is by God and Jesus Himself only, and is also in our future where we’ll come together, and we will be one with him. And with the rest of the body, where there is actually no more marriage and singleness and sexuality. There’s a lot of the other kind of like intimacies. So my discovery in life is, is that if I really cultivate and harvest, the four levels of intimacy, not the sexual one, is that I don’t feel any sexual frustrations, or that I am sexually unsatisfied. I, I think we’re so made for connection and intimacy, that if I pursue the ones well, that I don’t experience a lot of sexual temptation, when sexual temptation comes up, I kind of always can refer it back to that I haven’t pursued a certain level of intimacy well, and at the same time, that’s the reality of our broken lives, that I know that this live will keep me unfulfilled in several ways. And at the same time, that doesn’t stop me to pursue them and and do that and with with God himself, but also around me.
Or it’s a you know, you’re so good. You’re so deep. I could just park in some of those those words like, like to even face some of that reality, like, you know, like living in a fallen world means that That we will live with some level of unfulfillment. That’s a that’s another hard pill to swallow but, but it will turn down the volume on the radio if we will stop watching Netflix for long enough if we sit in enough silence, we will find that that is so true and, and I think our Christian fathers and mothers used to teach that that unfulfillment is actually meant to, to open us up more to increase more. So we find that our ultimate desire, what really do longed for is what you were describing, which is that the day that is to come where there will be no sadness or sorrow or sickness, there won’t be marriage, there won’t be singleness, we will be with Christ, one of them as a family in that unique union, that that we only have the first fruits of now but man, and that’s just a, that gets me excited as an even as a as a married guy. Because I, I experienced those longings and I know that my first wonderful is my marriages, and I’m grateful for it, and I, but it is not the ultimate fulfillment in my life. And I’m not saying anything that my wife doesn’t know. And that she wouldn’t say to. I’m grateful for it is a wonderful gift. We want to get better at giving it but but the longing still remains and that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with our, our marriage, it means well, there we are, where we live in a fallen world. And.
Laurence Koo 31:25
And I think that’s the beautiful thing about marriage, too, that it shows you something about God’s love for us. And then that’s why that’s why the beauty of marriage, it’s such a beautiful portrayal and picture of what’s about to come. And I think that could be the same thing for singleness. And so there’s glimpses of the heavenly reality that we have in relationship to each other. And that’s why I want to experience it. But at the same time, knowing that there will be a completion that makes it okay to sometimes come in this world and say, yeah, it’s not there yet. And we’re longing for something even more. But I do think that we need to be honest with that in in marriages. And, and I do think that sometimes the church hasn’t helped us. Because the expectations and what we’re talking about is this fulfillment, and almost, that we have a right to it to this kind of happiness. And so we don’t have a lot of theology on like, not yet, or suffering, or kind of, like, unfulfilled desires. And that, that it’s that that is an okay place to be in sometimes.
Yeah. And I’ve got to say, like, just as an observation that, that I can think of just a handful, maybe even not even a handful, but a few godly single men and women who I’ve heard, share kind of in the depth of the level that you’re talking about. There’s a you know, certainly hardships with that like their hardships with whatever state you’re in. But not not self pity, not giving into kind of a self pity and that that entitlement that we have in our culture that I should you know sheeple to find, you know, full happiness in this life in some way, whatever that looks like, but, but part of what I’ve experienced from from you, in this conversation, other conversations with you and other conversations with other kinds of singles, I walk away with the gift of, of just kind of more attentiveness to my own longing and the reality that God wants to draw near and is near for us that he is actually my greatest longing. And I and I think when I hang out with other single when I hang out with other married couples, even good godly married couples, I think it’s, it’s almost like I don’t know, I mean, almost like we can, we can get more distracted by married life, that we can that we forget that right? So I personally see like, you know, you talked about the you can look at marriage and say, well, it’s a picture of Christ, the bridegroom and his bride the church. And yes, it is that it’s meant to point us towards Christ and His Church. But I also see these relationships that I have with Singles As I as I listen and get to know them that you you point me to Christ and His church because because of of your attentiveness to those those parts of your life and belongings there and intentionality about really pressing into him And anyway, so so thank you for that brother. Really appreciate it.
Laurence Koo 34:20
Yeah, you’re so welcome. And I think it just understate underlying sorry. The importance of both marriage and singleness, because exactly what you’re saying. I think we’re both have a prophetic calling in this culture. And kind of in who we are as human beings that because in both gifts there’s so much Christ portrayal, you know, like I just love from marriage, people in how you know, like you have to you cannot be selfish. You have not, you’ve learned that from the beginning of marriage that you cannot be selfish. If your relationship once survive with your children and with your wife. And I had to come into a family to really learn that and say, I really want to not be so selfish. And I could do that for a longer while and I think that’s such a beautiful picture to me. And then looking at so many broken families and where’s, you know, where families are together, and husbands and wives still love each other and want to be together and committed to each other? That to me is such a city on a hill, in our society as well. And exactly what you’re describing, too, I do think that we as singles have a function in the sense to say to our marriage, friends, but this is not the this is not the fullness of it yet. Yes, there will be even more. And and that’s why we need both. And we enjoy both in that sense, too.
Yeah, yeah, maybe close with this. But I think of Paul’s words again to the church in Corinth saying one part of the body cannot say to another part of the body, I have no need of you. And, and I think for, for singles to say it’s a marriage for marriage to single for medicine to women, for him to say like, I think for all of us to say like I we need each other. And I appreciate that. Lawrence, God bless you, man. I’m so grateful for you. And in your heart, I always enjoy talking to you and hope we can do it again. My guys. So let me let me close in a word of prayer. And so Jesus, or you lived your earthly life as a single man. And God what a model of self giving love for us. And Lord, You are the great bridegroom who has served so well. And is serving his bride and who’s going to come one day to take her home? Or do we longed for that day. And we longed to be more like you as marrieds as singles as men as women are make it so we pray for our good for the good of each other and the good of the world. And Jesus, you be glorified. Pray all these things now and your good name Jesus. Amen.
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Excellent message on singleness.Thanks especially for the 5 areas of intimacy.Thanks again Josh and Laurence.God bless you both.