Is Sexual Fantasy Your Best Story?


Want to be free from a sexual vice? Enter a better story.

A part of me is embarrassed at how excited I get when a movie I’ve been waiting for finally hits the big screen. But if box office revenues are any indicator, I’m not the only one. There’s something that stirs in us when we watch a bigger-than-life story unfold. For a couple of hours, we feel we’re a part of it, a part of something more, even that we are something more.

So much of what we struggle with sexually is about the same thing. The nakedness in our fantasies communicates what nakedness is meant to, messages like, “You are fully seen and fully loved,” and “You are worth all of me.” Except that it’s not real. The longing is good, but where we go to try to fill the longing isn’t.

The longing is a longing to return to Eden. Deep down, beneath the physical arousal or the romantic desire, what we want is for someone to make us feel like we are a part of something more, that we are something more.  

And this tells us something about what we were created for.  

God was not bored and looking for entertainment when He made the world–He wasn’t lonely, unfulfilled, or in need of someone to serve Him. He had everything He needed, and He wanted for nothing.  

So why did He make . . . well, us?  

At the start of all things, God made the first human’s body from dust on the ground (Genesis 2:7). Like an artist molding clay, He worked with care and attention. This was the creature He’d decided would be made “in His image” (Genesis 1:27), and He had something special in mind.  

Then He did something absolutely unexpected:  

He moved right up close to the man’s face . . .  

. . . and Breathed.  

So back to my question: Why did God make us?  

He made us to love us. The uncreated God was giving something of Himself, His life, to created man. In essence, God was saying, in essence, “I choose you. I give Myself to you.”  

Man’s response to God’s love? In essence, “I don’t choose You.” You can see it for yourself in Genesis 3, or throughout the pages of Scripture, or out your front window, or in your own life. Maybe through sexual sin, judgment, anger, fear, or pride. We were created to be key characters, glorious and good, the main love interest in God’s grand story, and we traded it for a bit part. 

Thank God the story’s not finished. The same God who gave Himself to us at creation, gives Himself to us anew at the incarnation. God became flesh to rescue our flesh.  

Whatever your struggles today, He doesn’t see a bad movie He wants to walk out on. He comes for you, powerfully, intimately, right where you need Him the most. This was true for a clay man at the beginning of time, an old man as good as dead without any offspring, the youngest son of Jesse, a young Jewish girl named Mary, an average fisherman and his brother Andrew, and a murderous Pharisee. And it’s true for you.  

Are you covered in dust? Is your story far from glorious? Stop looking to fill the void in box office hits or sexual sin. Instead, invite Jesus right into where you are. Breathe in His Holy Spirit. He can turn something like dirt into something like Him. In fact, He loves to. 

For you,

Josh Glaser, Executive Director
[email protected]

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  • This article nails the REAL desire. I thought habitually about homosexual scenes with men whom I had socially connected with. But what I really wanted & needed was a great friend who liked me & would hang out with me, with no need for wrong gratification or false affirmation. This turned out to be Jesus, who took away the wrong desires & through good counsel led me into friendships without sexual lust. It’s great to be friends without guilty fantasies.

  • Keith, I can second your comment with my own experience.

    I’m also a man with SSA. So naturally my fantasies focus on other men. However I never ever have nor ever wanted to have any fantasies about men who are near and dear to me like close friends. And that’s a line I have never crossed.

    Why is this? Like you said, fantasies mask what we really desire and need: intimate (I don’t mean sexual) relationships with other men. Once we have this kind of relationship with someone our fantasies are no longer needed. We have gotten what we were looking for.

    I don’t speak for other men but only for me: I know where my SSA come from. I know where they originate. And so what you said and I have experienced myself makes perfectly sense.

By Josh Glaser

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