What Lies Beneath (cont’d)


Intimacy (In-to-me-see)

There were no masks, posing, or facades between Adam and Eve before the brokenness of sin entered the world.  This is hard for us to imagine.  Adam and Eve’s exterior and interior were naked and unashamed.  They could intuit each other’s humanity.  They could see the real in each other.  They saw into each other’s depths.

How wonderful to have nothing to hide, no diseased introspection or interior dialog wondering how they appeared to one another.  The only mirror that existed was that which was in each other’s eyes.  The gaze Adam had longed for was now fully and completely returned in the eyes of Eve.

God is not a sexual being and yet we can see the significance in how He biologically created those who would bear His image. Because He is a Triune God and in relationship with Himself, we can know that He delights in companionship and He surely took great joy in presenting Adam and Eve to each other.

In giving Eve to Adam, Adam experienced an intimacy previously unknown to him. This intimacy was expressed and experienced in all aspects of their lives.  They were integrated, completely connected not only with each other but also with God.  There were no barriers or veiling between the two of them.  They affirmed, blessed, and called forth each other’s masculinity, femininity, and honored each other’s personhood.

Unfortunately, the word “intimacy” in our culture now has a narrowed association to the sensual, to sexual activity.  Its wonderful nuances and breadth of meaning have been lost.  In the Garden, intimacy was true and real.  It was experienced on multiple levels.  Oneness went beyond mere sexual union—it was a key part of life experienced mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  True intimacy is at the core of our existence but has been lost. We are always seeking it. True intimacy, in-to-me-see, was intricately woven into the tapestry of our being from the beginning of the world.

This true intimacy that we crave, seek and long for is the culminating result of God being love.  God IS love…not merely the concept of love or a cognitive principle.  For love to be genuine, it cannot be unto itself.   Love, if it is real, has to be expressed and therefore must be in relationship.  God’s Trinitarian expression reveals the very essence of love.  Love is being constantly experienced in all its dimensions, as giver and recipient, between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  How can we fathom this understanding?  The incredible reality is we have been invited into this amazing relationship through Jesus!  We are one with the One who walked through the doorway of eternity and entered into our history.  He’s united us again with true intimacy and relationship with God.

To know and be known

God desired for His creation to know Him, not merely to know about Him.  I can read an autobiography and know facts about an individual, but in reality, I truly do not know them.

Innate to “knowing” is being in relationship which takes us back to the reality of God being love.  Because we as humans are made in His Image, the expression of love relationally is at the core of our being.  Our deepest desire is to know and be known by God.  That which Adam and Eve experienced in the Garden was buried after the fall and has been passed down to us.  If we look at ancient cultures, why did so many create gods and goddesses?  I think it is an innate expression of searching to be known by God.

A second desire passed down to us is the desire to know and be known by others. Of course, this manifests itself physically, but it goes far beyond the sexual.  The true intimacy experienced in the Garden is the deep desire within all of us to be in relationship.  We cannot know the depths of relational loss Adam and Eve felt after they were expelled from the Garden. The loss of intimacy they had previously experienced with God must have been devastating to them, in addition to the barriers that now existed between the two of them.

There is a quote attributed to G.K. Chesterton which paraphrased says “Every man knocking on the door of a brothel is knocking for God.”  I firmly believe a misdirected love for God is at the root of every sexual and relational brokenness.  I have heard noted author and speaker Leanne Payne say many times that at our core we were designed to be worshippers. If we do not worship God, then we will worship someone or something else.  It’s part of our DNA!  Everyone is searching for true intimacy, but many settle for false intimacy.

Our hearts yearn for fulfillment but we settle for instant gratification.  We are distracted by the earthly, the finite when our hearts are hungering for the divine and infinite.  The ache deep within drives us, but we lack comprehension of what lies beneath.  In his book The Journey of Desire, John Eldredge says “Think about the relief your idols provide: Is your desire truly and deeply satisfied, or does the relief come more through the temporary absence of desire?”  That desire is the ache within us to be known.

The drive for intimacy and worship are what opens us up to that which is real or that which is illusionary.  TV Reality shows are extremely popular, and perhaps their popularity is connected to the desire to know others. As we watch others live their lives before us, we vicariously are trying to know them. There are a plethora of these kinds of programs which place people in fantasy settings, but that’s all it is. The result is false intimacy.  The art of knowing is counterfeited and condensed into a methodical, non-reality and choreographed illusion.

We must become spiritually aware of our true hunger. We must understand what was lost in the Garden and what Jesus has done to restore it. When the draw to addictions or broken relationships arises, we need to stop and recognize the true drive behind that ubiquitous urge and go to the One who can truly satisfy and fulfill us.

Jesus, help me to recognize at the core of this temptation is the real desire to know You and others.  Help me line up my desires with Yours. Help me not settle for false intimacy but lead me to the source of true intimacy.  Fulfill my desire to know and be known.  Help me not to settle for the finite!  Meet me in this place and satisfy that which You imparted to the core of my being.

We seek true intimacy with the One who knows us better than we know ourselves and who desires to be in relationship with us. He desired it so much that He came Himself to restore it. When you are tempted, searching for false intimacy, turn to Jesus to be your life-source of true intimacy. Seek to know Him as He knows you.

Rev. Bob Ragan is the full-time director of Regeneration of Northern Virginia. Bob provides spiritual direction, healing prayer, and coordinates support groups in the DC metro area. He has ministered on five continents and is an invited lecturer for the C.S. Lewis Institute and YWAM (Youth with a Mission). Bob is the published author of Path through the Wilderness and is an ordained deacon in the Anglican Church.

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  • Another nourishing article and newsletter! Thank you for what you do to shine light back into the dark and lonely corners of our cold and confused world.

    As a man who has found God’s grace over the years in seeking freedom from his own homosexual sin, I find that there are not certain biblical “truths” that apply only to other people, and not to people like me because we are tormented with the issues of same-sex attraction. The sin itself, and the ways in which our society is embracing the dysfunctionality of all of it, would have us all believe that the lies are truth.

    But what I have found in my own journey is that all of mankind is the same, and that Truth is “truth” for every man, no matter what demons we may be facing in life. Homosexual sin is no different!

    The key to walking out of the chains of any dysfunctional sexual behavior, to include homosexuality, is to begin by embracing Truth as “Truth,” plain and simple. This article reveals a glimpse of the light of that one Truth that I speak of, and which Regeneration Ministry is called to shine into the hearts of those who are struggling.

    Thank you again for all you do! May God continue to bless your ministry, and may he reveal his loving Truth to all those who may come to you for help.

  • An excellent article! Intimacy is the key to healing – intimacy with God our Heavenly Father, Savior, and Friend and those in the Body of Christ who can be transparent and loving – those who want to know another soul and be known. Thank you!

  • By the way, I first read this article in the January/February newsletter, and it was so good it brought me to the website so that I could share Bob’s article with our ministry. I found the complete unedited article even better! The description of the intimacy between Adam and Eve and then the description of the Trinity is awesome! Thank you, Bob!

By Rev. Bob Ragan

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