Josh Glaser [00:00:03]:

Welcome to the Becoming a Whole podcast where we help men, women and families learn and live God’s good, holy and beautiful design for sexuality. I’m your host Josh Glaser and we’re glad you’re here.

Josh Glaser [00:00:13]:

You ready? Let’s dive in. All right, I want you to imagine with me today podcast listeners. I want to share a little anecdote with you and I want you to imagine it with I should imagine that Jesus and his disciples are walking towards Galilee. They’ve been in a different area and they’re walking towards Galilee. And as they walk, they see up on the path there’s a young woman walking by herself and she is attractive and she’s large breasted attractive woman walking towards them. My question to you is what does Jesus do? How does Jesus respond, react in that moment as he sees this attractive large breasted woman coming his way? Does he a lust after her, check her out as she walks by? B changes course, steers his disciples way off course so she can walk the path by herself and he leads them a different route so they don’t have to walk past this attractive young woman or C does he walk past her but focuses only on her eyes and makes sure not to notice her breasts? Which of the three do you think he does? I want to suggest to you none of the three. You probably guessed he didn’t lust, right? Because he’s without sin. We know that Jesus didn’t lust after people even though he had the opportunity. He didn’t do that. He treated people as people. But he also didn’t divert his course to a different way. And he also didn’t ignore the fact that she had large breasts and whatever else it was that made her attractive. Jesus noticed all of it. How can I say that with so much confidence? I can say with confidence because God is the one who made women sexual, men and women sexual. And so for Jesus to see a whole person, for Jesus to see the actual person would mean that he would also see that he or she, in this case she was a sexual person. So in the second case, to divert course and go a different way means that he would be unwilling to interact with somebody who was romantically or sexually attractive in some way. And third, for him just to look at her eyes and not notice at all that she has large breasts. I’m not saying that it would have been bad for him to look at her eyes and I’m also not saying that he was checking her out. I don’t say that. But for him to ignore, try to not see at all that she had large breasts would be for him to pretend in a way that she was different than she was. This is a spirit body creature. Her body is a part of who she is. And so if she has an attractive body, if she has large breasts, then Jesus would have noticed that, and he would have loved that about her, too. Now, if you cringe at that or you struggle with that, then you’re not alone. A lot of us who have wrestled with lust really wrestle with, how do we see somebody? What are we supposed to do when we run across an attractive person? Now, if you’re imagining the scene, you’re probably imagining her in kind of first century garb, which is nothing compared to some of what we’ve encountered. Like, if you go to the beach this summer or just walk down the street and there’s a man or woman jogging and they’re not wearing that much, and so where are we supposed to look? What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to see that person? That’s what I want to talk about in this podcast. How did Jesus see that person? Now, here’s where we get into trouble. So this is key. We want to distinguish between in order for us to understand how Jesus saw people, in order how we’re supposed to understand how Jesus was able to see a whole person, including the fact that a person is sexual in nature, has a sexual nature. It’s not their full nature, but that is a part of their nature, then we have to recognize there’s a difference between being sexual and being sexualized. Being sexual and being sexualized. There’s a difference between recognizing, acknowledging, even seeing that someone is sexual and sexualizing that person. So Jesus was able to see that women and men were sexual without sexualizing them. And that’s the journey that we are on. We want to become people who recognize, yep, this is a sexual person, but I’m not going to sexualize them. Well, what’s the difference? Well, to see someone as sexual is simply to acknowledge that they are a man or woman. They’re male or female, and they’ve got sexual genitalia that corresponds with that. Their DNA corresponds with that. All they are corresponds with that. Men’s upper body strength on a bell curve is 60% more than a woman’s body strength. That’s just seeing that this person is a man. But more to the point, in our case, we’re talking about that which is their procreative contribution, if you will. So a man has a penis, a woman has a vagina. That’s their part in procreation. That’s what it means to be a sexual being. To be a sexual being means that you procreate through the act of sex. That’s how it happens. And so human beings are sexual beings. This is by God’s design, and it’s really good part of who we are. Now, I mentioned earlier, I use the illustration of a large breasted woman. Well, what does that have to do with procreation? Well, a woman breastfeeds her newborn baby. That’s how she nourishes and nurtures and cares for and comforts her baby. So that, too, is a part of her sexual being. And isn’t it interesting, by the way? Isn’t it interesting? And it’s worth noting because there’s something very malevolent behind this. Notice what pornography or sexualized media focuses in on. It focuses in on our sexual parts, but there’s no hint in pornography. No hint of the procreative component of our sexual parts.

Josh Glaser [00:06:04]:

Hey everybody, do me two big favors, would you? First of all, if there’s a topic you’d like me to be talking about on this podcast, shoot me an email at [email protected]. Secondly, would you rate and review this podcast by going to regenerationministries.org rate. When you leave a five star review, it actually helps other people find the show. Thanks so much. Now back to it pornography.

Josh Glaser [00:06:30]:

Popular media wants to get rid of all the idea, all the association between our sexual parts as men and women and procreation, we want to get rid of that association. Why? Because those are worried about just sexualizing the person not seeing them as sexual. Because to be sexual means that’s how you procreate. But to be sexualized mean, those body parts are the focus and those body parts are the focus, even emphasized apart from and sometimes in spite of the person that they belong to. So instead of seeing the person’s breasts as a part of the whole person, instead of seeing that a person is a man or woman, that their genitals are male or female, instead of seeing that as a part of the whole person, that becomes the emphasis. And more often than not, it’s the emphasis not in some kind of ambiguous way, but because of the pleasure that those parts evoke in the person who is looking. Does that make sense? So in the scenario I gave earlier, let’s say you’re walking along now, you’re walking along the beach and there’s an attractive young woman with large breasts walking towards you and you’re a man, or you’re a woman and there’s a young man who’s walking along and he’s muscular and tall and good looking. Well, to sexualize that person means you focus in on their maleness or femaleness, specifically those parts that create pleasure in you. Now, the fact that they create pleasure in you is not a problem. That’s part of how God’s designed things. But you focus in on them to the exclusion of the rest of the person, instead of letting those attractive parts draw you toward the person to get to know the whole person, or if you don’t ever get to know them, just to acknowledge the whole person. And that is just a part instead that becomes all about them, that becomes their worth, that becomes what you’re after. So in the lustful gaze, all you’re looking for is to look at those body parts that make you feel a sexual hit, a sexual arousal of some kind that’s sexualizing a person. And that’s what media does, that’s what advertising does. You’ll notice even in some advertising, they’ll cut off the head of the people and just focus on the midsection, the breasts and the genitals of somebody. That’s all they want you to focus on because that creates the arousal. But they’re dehumanizing the person. They don’t want you to see the whole person. So to see a whole person as Jesus did, is to acknowledge the blessing of the person’s body, to acknowledge that the person is their body. And they are so much more than just their body, they also have a spirit. And it’s also to acknowledge that these sexual parts actually have a procreative beauty to them, power to them, potential to them. And so to see an attractive young woman is to see a potential mother or to see a real mother and to recognize that those parts of her body that may actually draw you also are really valuable in the reality they are part of making new life. This is a beautiful, powerful part of being a sexual creature and seeing someone as a sexual creature. So what do we do with all that? Well, here’s what I suggest. First of all, distinguish for yourself that noticing someone is sexual is not the same as sexuality them. So when you notice a large breasted woman for an attractive man or the difference between a man’s swimsuit and a woman’s swimsuit and what’s happening underneath there, that the man has a penis, the woman has a vagina instead, of focusing in on there or noticing that and then suddenly being guilty and running for scurrying away lest you do something wrong. Or thinking you’ve already done something wrong. Simply acknowledge the beauty and the goodness of this man or this woman the beauty of this man’s body or this woman’s body. From there then. And I think one of the reasons you do that, one of the reasons you want to avoid just the quick guilty reaction is because oftentimes what that does to us is it sends us running, we’re less able to see the person. It also increases our own adrenaline, moves us into fight or flight mode in our brain, which is not a very good place to be if you’re wanting to make good decisions and attune well to God and to others. So you don’t want to move into fight or flight. Instead you want to calm yourself down. Notice the beauty, acknowledge the person’s beauty. You might even pray then because it’s easier to draw close to Jesus when you’re not in fight or flight. Jesus, this person is beautiful. Thank you for this person’s beautiful body. And then from there, seek to see more of the person. Not less of the person, but more of the person. Notice more that makes her beautiful. Notice what else makes him attractive. If you have the chance and it’s a reasonable setting, say you’re having dinner with some friends or something, try to get to know them a little bit. Now granted, if flirting or something like that is a part of your story, and you’re working your way out of that. That may not be a possibility for you, but somehow you want to try to see that person as a more complete, more whole person than just the sexual parts of them so that you’re not sexualizing them. For example, one thing you might do that’s pretty simple is to begin practicing the reality that pornography wants you to ignore, which is the sexual parts are procreative parts. The sexual parts actually have to do with the miracle working power of a man’s body and a woman’s body and the fact that when they come together, they can create a brand new human being. So you’re not just looking at some sex object Playboy bunny, that’s a sexualized version of woman. You’re looking at a young, attractive woman who has the potential to be a mother or who is a mother. And whole body actually is a beautiful expression of motherly love. Rightly? Understood. A woman’s breasts are a beautiful image of what God is like with his children. And so begin trying and practicing to see, even in your mind’s eye, understanding, making some of these connections for the sake of your ability to see a person as sexual without sexualizing them. Hope that makes sense. If you’ve got questions, feel free to email me. And while I’m at it, if you have ideas for this podcast, please email me your questions. Be happy to address those here. But for the time being, Lord Jesus, would you open our eyes to see what you see, to be able to notice our brothers and sisters as sexual without sexualizing them? We pray it for your glory and our good and their good too, Lord. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amen.

Josh Glaser [00:13:07]:

Thanks for listening in. If you find the content of this podcast helpful, make sure to leave a review on Apple podcasts that helps other people find the show. And if you’d like to check out more resources to help you in your journey towards becoming more whole, go to regenerationministries.org. Again, I’m Josh Glazer, and we’ll see you next time.