Has pornography shaped your view of sex?
We all look online when we have questions. Whether asking Alexa what tomorrow’s weather forecast is, Waze how to get into the city without paying tolls, or Siri how to spell kalbasa kilbasa keilbasa kielbasa, our devices offer us easy access to a wealth of information.
Growing up, kids reach a point when they’re curious about sex. This is normal and good. And today, many kids are taking their curiosity online. Not only can they find answers quickly, Google also won’t embarrass, interrogate, or lecture them for asking. Instead, it will call up endless articles, pictures, and yes, pornography to show them. What’s more, some teens believe porn is a good place to learn about sex because porn stars “obviously” know what they’re doing.
But it’s not just kids whose views of sex are being shaped by pornography and pornographic content. If any of us regularly consume pornographic content, it is shaping our view of sex. Don’t let porn be a sex educator for you or the kids in your life. Not only is porn not qualified to teach about sex, it blatantly distorts sex to be something much worse than what God designed.
Here’s what I mean… (Warning: Disturbing Content to Follow)
If porn were a sex-ed teacher, here are 10 (categorically false) lessons you’d overhear in its classroom:
- ” Everybody wants sex all the time.”
- “You don’t have to love, like, or even know a person to have sex with them. Risky sex with strangers is fun and fulfilling.”
- “Forget marriage, honor, faithfulness, self-control, emotional connection, and family; these things make sex stale.”
- “Having lots of sexual partners will make you better in bed, and that will make you more desirable.”
- “If someone doesn’t please you sexually, leave them and find someone else who does.”
- “You don’t have to worry about negative consequences like STI’s, broken hearts, wounded bodies, or out-of-wedlock pregnancies.”
- “Violence is sexy.”
- “Guys, the more confident, controlling, aggressive, and violent you are, the more a girl will enjoy sex with you. If a girl doesn’t want sex and you force her, she’ll eventually enjoy it.”
- “Girls, the more you like to be hit and choked, the more a guy will want you.”
- “Porn stars are healthy, happy, sexually-liberated, ‘sex positive’ people who make a lot of money and have the best sex in the world.”
(It’s difficult for me even to write some of these because they’re so ugly!)
Porn is no respecter of people. Porn is a liar and an abuser. And porn is a horrible sex educator.
In contrast, Christianity teaches that every human person (body and soul) is worthy of honor and dignity, and sex is a good, beautiful, and powerful treasure from God worth stewarding within marriage, and whether married or single, the sexual aspects of ourselves are worth tending with great care and attention.
(Parents, make sexual discipleship a regular part of your relationships with your kids as they grow. My book, Treading Boldly through a Pornographic Culture: A Field Guide for Parents, can help tremendously!)
If you or your kids have been hurt by porn, Jesus is not disgusted with you. He comes near to help you, to wash you clean, to open your eyes anew, and to heal your wounds. On the cross, Christ’s body—pure and priceless above all treasure—was given naked, beaten, bleeding, and debased. For you, for me. And in His resurrection, Christ’s body was raised to new life, holy and pure, eternally alive in order to restore the treasure He created your body to be.
Question: What other lies does pornography (or a pornographic culture) teach about sex, gender, marriage, men, women, or desire? Leave a comment below.
For you,
Josh