Women watch porn too, and we want you to know you aren’t the only one.
Let’s begin with this truth:
You, a woman, are not alone in your pull to pornography. Statistics back this by revealing that 57% of girls ages 14-18 have viewed pornography.
That means more than half the girls in high-school are watching porn.
60.2% of women view pornography. So you are not alone.
The truth is simple; women watch porn.
Many of us that have gotten caught up in watching porn are not in touch with what’s really going on…what we are really looking for.
I’m hoping the numbers help you relax, and discover you are not alone. There’s something about not being the only one that can peel back a layer of shame.
If you’re a woman who believes in Jesus, I bet this has been hard to accept, BUT you landed here for a reason.
So, stretch out your hands, take a deep breath and settle in.
Women Watch Porn
This article will be different because it must be different. For too long, we’ve ignored this conversation on how pornography is NOT just a guy’s thing.
Women struggle with pornography too. So let’s talk about it!
How did it start for you?
Maybe you received lots of bad messages about sex or even worse, zero messages about sex. So, pornography stepped in as a readily available teacher. It showed you the lies it sells so easily.
Sure, the porn industry is primarily produced for entertainment purposes, not education. But don’t be mistaken; porn is teaching you something. And the lessons you’re absorbing pull you away from others into a dark lonely place.
If you haven’t heard this before, hear it now; God designed sex. God designed your sexuality. God made you with desires and longings.
What we do with those desires is what we call Sexual Integrity. “At the most basic level, sexual integrity means reserving sexual expression for a loving, life-long marriage between husband and wife, or alternatively, remaining sexually abstinent through singleness. On a deeper level, sexual integrity and wholeness is when all that makes you sexual is submitted and conformed to the self-giving love of Jesus.”
To become a person of sexual integrity is a life-long process. Does it feel big? Powerful? Beautiful? Intimidating?
It should. This is God’s plan.
Really.
God, Author and Designer, created sex and sexual pleasure therefore it is blessed and good.
From the beginning, just like in Genesis, some of the very first words we read are on the need planted within each of us to be connected to others.
The LORD God said: It is not good for the man to be alone.
Genesis 2:18
You are not created to be alone. And loneliness is a key component of why women watch porn.
What are you really looking for? Belonging? Comfort? Love? Acceptance? Power?
This unwanted sexual behavior is more commonly talked about, even researched, for men. Yet, women watch porn too. We need to have more open conversations about this.
The loneliness compounded with the isolation is what leads more women to act out on what they take in.
Know that your struggle with porn isn’t random, neither is what got you here in the first place.
Just casually looking up random sexually graphic images escalates. It just does. Maybe it starts with a curiosity about yourself, about sex, about others. The images you take in, trigger an ache inside you to be with someone. That ache grows into a hunger for images and then videos. There comes a point where you need more so you seek more. As your need escalates, so does the explicit nature of the pornography.
Porn is considered “the new drug” for a reason.
The Brain Science of Porn:
Research has shown that pornography use causes physical changes in the brain. The visual drug of pornography hijacks the brain’s reward system and overwhelms it with unnaturally prolonged dopamine (see below) levels.
The result is the brain becomes physically different in shape, size, and even it’s chemical balance. (Learn more about the impact of pornography on the brain here.)
Did you know there are 4 neurochemicals involved in sex?
God designed sex to be a blessing and so powerful, so it should not be surprising what our brain produces during intimacy. It’s all part of His design.
Serotonin aka the Happy Chemical, NE or Noradrenaline which is the “zing” we feel, Oxytocin aka the “love drug” or “bonding chemical”, and Dopamine which is the “pleasure” chemical.
Notice the nickname for Oxytocin? The “bonding chemical” is a neurotransmitter that bonds spouses during and after sex.
But, if you’re experiencing sex by yourself, that bonding chemical that’s meant to develop closeness is stunted. So the loneliness is compounded.
The ache you were trying to soothe just got deeper. And, when the screen is not enough; women are 70% more likely to take this need off-line and try to repeat it in the real world.
It makes sense, as scary as it sounds, that when the high from porn starts to dull, you will need more and may try to recreate it in any way possible.
When we get caught up in this cycle, we become more consumed with the porn and less open to healthy ways of living/being.
Your Relationship with Porn:
Excessive use of pornography affects your relationships with yourself, God, and with other people. Just like drugs or alcohol does.
Your attitudes and beliefs toward sex are getting rewired by porn (re-read above).
Undoing the mess porn leaves is a process that requires awareness, humility and dedication; but it’s doable!
Learning to tend to what you really want deep down is a really important self loving and empowering thing to allow yourself to do. And it is a much better alternative to stuffing down or escaping those emotions.
This is a relational issue, the lack thereof, and that means in order to repair this issue, it must be done IN the context of a relationship (with a coach, a mentor, a friend).
Otherwise, you may start experiencing any number of negative relational effects, such as:
- Unrealistic expectations around sexual behaviors and performance.
- Reduced intimacy with real-life partners.
- Personal sense of inadequacy.
- Lowered self-esteem.
- Physical side effects.
- Depression & Anxiety
- And much more.
The truth of it is, community or a safe 1 to 1 relationship offers a great deal in recovery from any unhealthy behavior.
Discover More: Women’s Coaching
So, What’s Next?
Would you consider making an appointment with one of our Spiritual Coaches, to begin the process of Discovering What’s Broken, Engaging Your Story, and Becoming More Whole?
We are here for you.
It is our privilege and honor to make space for you, understand more about your desires and more about what God has for you in your life. To be with you as you begin to name and break free from the habits that keep you from the fullness of life God intends.
In the meantime, here are a few simple and practical steps you can take as you consider you from God’s point of view.
- Tell someone you trust and that is safe about your struggles with watching porn. If you don’t have someone who is safe to share with, know that Regeneration and our women coaches are here to help.
- Journal and Pray through these questions:
- What does it look like for you to be valued and loved?
- Write out to God what you need/want/hope for and how He can help?
While you’re being caring and curious as you work towards wholeness, it is key to have someone alongside you to encourage, guide, and uplift you.
We are here to help! Contact us to talk with someone.
How can I stop masterbation
I love that you are asking. I wonder how long you’ve tried to stop or if this is your first time considering it… Either way, this is awesome. I wish I had a quick fix but I don’t. An important first question to ask yourself is why you masturbate. Do you know why? Is it because you’re lonely? angry? something else?
If you can be really honest with yourself on this first question AND NOT BASH yourself for your answer – you are on your way to healing.
God has a design for your sexuality that it is good, powerful, sacred. Just like you.
Masturbation is a tricky habit, isn’t it? While it might be momentarily comforting, it pulls us away from other people. And we need each other for connection at so many levels.
I’m going to offer a couple things:
1. I will be praying for you starting now. I’ll be praying that you know how loved and powerful and spectacular you are. I’ll be praying that you know and believe that God has plans for you and that yes they are good and full of hope and a future. AND praying that you bring your habit and your “why” to Him. Bring this habit of masturbation to Jesus with your whole heart and WATCH, LISTEN for how He’ll meet you.
2. If you need more, reach out! This is what we do.
I am need your support because I am under attack over watching pornography and masturbation.
As a recovering Catholic, I learned sex was an unspeakable moral crime,allowed only between priests and alter boys. and at the heart of the fall from grace. ( naked and ashamed). Associating mythology with morality is is pathology.