It’s cursing of a different kind, and all dressed up like a gift.
It’s the curse of being Fine.
A few years ago, during my yearly physical, my doctor made the comment, “Well, you’re getting older so it’s to be expected you’ll be carrying a few more pounds.”
At first I just took the information in. After all, this was my doctor. But later, I realized how faulty her words were. It’s true I’m getting older. And it’s true that as my metabolism slows down, it’s easier for me to gain weight. But that doesn’t mean I have to!
She was offering me the new four letter ‘F’ word. She was saying, It’s Fine. You’re Fine. You don’t have to try, and you certainly don’t have to suffer.
In the realm of sex and sexuality, there are similar versions of this same theme:
- If the temptations aren’t going away, it’s because it’s who you are. It’s fine.
- As long as the sex is between consenting adults and doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s fine.
- If you’ve felt this way all your life; it’s because God made you this way.
- Porn is just for fun. At least you’re not physically cheating.
Each of these comes disguised as a long awaited blessing, promising an end to suffering, and an end to the inner conflict between desire and devotion to God.
But there’s a problem. It’s not real.
I was having lunch with a friend recently who experiences same-sex desires. He gets lonely and hates the idea of never getting married. And yet, when faced with the notion that God wouldn’t ask him to suffer, he replies, “Well, Jesus suffered, and I’m following Him.”
His words are a sword cutting through the murky fine-ness surrounding us and revealing light from eternity.
A doctor might tell me that gaining weight after 40 is expected, and that might relieve me of a sense of guilt at eating more and exercising less. But where there’s guilt, or brokenness, or sickness, I don’t want to be free of my ability to sense it. I want to be free of it.
I don’t just want relief. I want restoration.
As long as I know I’m not all fine, then there remains the possibility of restoration. The problem with thinking I’m fine when I’m not is then I never will be.