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The New Four Letter ‘F’ Word

It’s cursing of a different kind, and all dressed up like a gift.

It’s the curse of being Fine.

A few years ago, during my yearly physical, my doctor made the comment, “Well, you’re getting older so it’s to be expected you’ll be carrying a few more pounds.”

At first I just took the information in. After all, this was my doctor. But later, I realized how faulty her words were. It’s true I’m getting older. And it’s true that as my metabolism slows down, it’s easier for me to gain weight. But that doesn’t mean I have to!

She was offering me the new four letter ‘F’ word. She was saying, It’s Fine. You’re Fine. You don’t have to try, and you certainly don’t have to suffer.

In the realm of sex and sexuality, there are similar versions of this same theme:

  • If the temptations aren’t going away, it’s because it’s who you are. It’s fine.
  • As long as the sex is between consenting adults and doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s fine.
  • If you’ve felt this way all your life; it’s because God made you this way.
  • Porn is just for fun. At least you’re not physically cheating.

Each of these comes disguised as a long awaited blessing, promising an end to suffering, and an end to the inner conflict between desire and devotion to God.

But there’s a problem. It’s not real.

I was having lunch with a friend recently who experiences same-sex desires. He gets lonely and hates the idea of never getting married. And yet, when faced with the notion that God wouldn’t ask him to suffer, he replies, “Well, Jesus suffered, and I’m following Him.”

His words are a sword cutting through the murky fine-ness surrounding us and revealing light from eternity.

A doctor might tell me that gaining weight after 40 is expected, and that might relieve me of a sense of guilt at eating more and exercising less. But where there’s guilt, or brokenness, or sickness, I don’t want to be free of my ability to sense it. I want to be free of it.

I don’t just want relief. I want restoration.

As long as I know I’m not all fine, then there remains the possibility of restoration. The problem with thinking I’m fine when I’m not is then I never will be.

Not yet,

3 thoughts on “The New Four Letter ‘F’ Word”

  1. Hmmm…I resonate with, “If the temptations aren’t going away, it’s because it’s who you are. It’s fine.” This is the message I’ve been hearing in my head. I’m feeling tired from the daily battle of fighting SSA. It seems that when I pursue holiness and try to walk in my true self that Jesus created, I experience more spiritual warfare and MORE temptation. Ugh! I found myself backing away from Jesus, in an effort to experience relief from spiritual attack. Make sense? Being complacent and sitting on the fence is a safe place to hang out. When I’m on the fence, I’m in shut-down mode. I turn off all my feelings in an effort to avoid engaging in fantasy, masturbation & viewing pornography. I tell myself that the fence is “fine.” It does provide relief but I’m not being transformed. I’m stuck. Oh man…what a struggle…

  2. Josh,
    Excellent message and so true. I fight this everyday with SSA, however I ask Jesus to fight the battle for me. I agree its difficult at times and sometimes I mess up, however I return to Jesus and walk the walk that He is guiding me to walk. All to Jesus I surrender.

  3. Wow, this is so powerful!! Thanks for sharing cause I often times find my self on the fence from having been betrayed by my spouse and look for that relief in a drink to numb the pain. My thoughts are you’re fine but I’m not fine cause the pain is still there and I have get through it.

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